Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
