Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
