idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
