u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
