You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
