he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
