I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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