I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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