So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
