did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
