Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
