We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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