3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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