were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I understand Curling. That high.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize