On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
