ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
