:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was born a porn star she said
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
