so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
