This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
