Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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