Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
