When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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