i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
