I accidentally had phone sex last night
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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