My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
