I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
