Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
