My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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