I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
