At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
