i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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