Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(353): View more from

Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.

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(925): View more from California

I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.

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(515): View more from Iowa

then she stuck her tongue in my ass

(1-515): View more from Iowa

I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.

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(240): View more from Maryland

She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...

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(443): View more from Maryland

Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Why didn't we pregame for this?

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

Because it's breakfast!?!

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