u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize