OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
