i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize