I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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