Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
