We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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