im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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