I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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