2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize