Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
did i just pee glitter
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
