I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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