had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize