We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So squirting runs in the family.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
