Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
