He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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