Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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