I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
accomplished twins. life is a go
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
