YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
