evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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