I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
