Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
