Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
