I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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