respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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