the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
