you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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