They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
