everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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