Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
