Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
