So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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