he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
