A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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