She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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