if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
