My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You are the jesus of drinking
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
