i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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