Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
