my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize